My husband's great-grandfather was a baker. One day he showed up at the doorstep of his future in-laws, said "Take good care of Marie," and left for 10 years. Then he came back, married Marie, and started a successful baking business.
At least that is how the story goes in the family.
But if you read about old Europe and traditions in the trades, this is probably not too farfetched an account. You were apprenticed with a mason/carpenter/baker... around the age of 13 or 14, spent 4 years learning your trade, and then you would tour Europe, earning your way by your tools and newly honed skills.
From a society point of view this had two advantages: The young men learned new skills they couldn't have picked up locally - from Austrian confectionary to Dutch bricklaying. They also made a lot of their stupid, youthful mistakes somewhere else. (And who knows, they may even have expanded the gene pool of some otherwise inbred, sleepy little town.)
Naturally, this cut both ways: young men came here (wherever here was) and made their stupid, youthful mistakes - but who would expect proper behavior from a foreigner?
This period of our lives, the teens and early twenties, is when we form our identities. As many who have close contact with teenagers know, it is a trying time. There is so much going on at school that parents' heads spin. Are they jocks, nerds, Goths, punks, geeks (this is Silicon Valley), trailblazers, followers, hipsters, gang members, striving, coasting, anxious, self-assured, anxious acting self-assured...?
Great-great-grandfather's head probably didn't spin. He only wondered if junior was alive. And great-grandfather probably was all of the above at some point along his 10 year hiatus - adjusted for what changes time has made to identity options. He was among perfect strangers, could be any way he d... well pleased as long as they didn't hang him. He didn't have a credit history to worry about; reputation was a minor concern. If they ran him out of town, so what? He was leaving anyway. And he sure didn't update his Facebook wall.
Moving to another country has always given people a chance to play with their identities. Naturally, if you are moved by a company, they will be surprised if you suddenly become somebody very different. And if you move with a spouse, you may also be locked in by expectations. But most of all you are locked in by your own expectations.
As a trailing spouse this new role can cause an identity conflict. You are not only removed from your professional identity, without a work permit you may also be bereft of an "acceptable" outlet for creating a new one. So take all what you are and remove the professional part. What is left is typically your relationships with your parents and your spouse and your nationality. In a new place your culture values - a huge part of our identity that we are normally not very aware of - can be a bit in the way. That leaves your marital relationship and an immature version of prior identity as all you can build on.
Many marriages crack under the pressure of having to be everything to one party - and very often an expectation of a Mad Men episode to the other. To neither party does this even vaguely resemble what they signed up for. But some marriages thrive when the external expectations change.
It can be very enriching to explore all the bits and pieces that perhaps didn't fit neatly into a previous identity often overwhelmingly defined by a career. Dreams that weren't fulfilled. The famous road less traveled. Be it an artistic strain that you didn't have time to engage with or an education that had been left on the back burner for years: consider this an opportunity to see where it can take you. It is safe to assume that you can be much more than you ever thought possible when you were wrapped tightly in the norms of your home country.